Paranoid Vladimir Putin has forced Moscow back to the Stone Age, blacking out the internet and leaving desperate locals clinging to retro technology.
The Russian tyrant has reportedly "switched off" the web, leaving people unable to message loved ones, navigate streets, or even pay for their morning coffee.
The draconian move comes after Putin pushed through laws allowing the Kremlin to paralyse mobile networks, broadband and landlines at will.
With Wi-Fi and mobile data dead for over a week, Muscovites are turning to old school methods to stay connected. According to Russia's retail giant Wildberries, sales of pagers have skyrocketed by 73 per cent.
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